Tag Archives: post-grad

Your Post-Grad Depression Is Real And Other Things Your Teachers Never Taught You

12 Mar
  1. Remember how you used to make fun of the kid who would have anxiety attacks in fifth grade? That’ll happen to you, alone, in your apartment, while eating Greek yogurt.
  2. You will finally understand the difference between “being alone” and “being lonely” and regard it as horseshit.
  3. You will realize that you probably eat more hair than you would imagine.
  4. It will amaze you just how angry you can become at the idea of lines.
  5. You will continue to have a love/hate relationship with sharing, using it mostly just for when it benefits you.
  6. Traffic will make you grind your teeth and your dentist will be unsympathetic.
  7. Grocery stores will induce headaches, anxiety, and potentially panic attacks.
  8. Sympathy will make you feel nostalgic.
  9. Sex will be like Christmas – only once in a while, with great effort, and little reward.
  10. The idea of “being OK with yourself” will become a goal set by you and your therapist, who’s time you spend with each other will mean more than your closest friends.
  11. You will test your liver, time and time again; more than you ever thought you would have in college.
  12. Drugs? Yes. And by drugs I mean caffeine and whatever hormone gets released when you’re five glasses of wine deep, binging on Netlfix, and cuddling with your Maine Coon cat named Persephone because that Greek mythology class has to be good for something.
  13. Much like an orgasm, you’ll know what a panic attack is when you have one and be able to recount each individual one with clarity. Both orgasm and panic attack.