Are Kale Chips Good? And Other Questions You’ll Ask Yourself While High at Trader Joe’s

27 Mar

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1. Why do Hawaiian shirts look so busy?

2. Is flax seed good for me? Do I need more flax seed? What is flax seed?

3. WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING HURRY BURKA-LADY?

4. Nice calf tat? Maybe? I don’t know anymore.

5. Can I eat nine of these samples?

6. How do you measure a handful of nuts? What if I have large hands? What if I I’m a midget? Should these handfuls be like rubber gloves in different sizes? I don’t even like nuts.

7. What is speculous and why is it so good?

8. Can I put speculous on this frozen pizza?

9.  Why is chocolate in this beer?

10. How does non-dairy butter exist and who would buy this?

11. Why is everyone running?

12. Why are my feet wet?

13. Is someone giving birth?

14.  How do you drop that much pasta sauce?

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3 Responses to “Are Kale Chips Good? And Other Questions You’ll Ask Yourself While High at Trader Joe’s”

  1. Renee March 27, 2014 at 6:00 pm #

    The most important question Do I look like I’m high and having a full multi-personality conversation with myself?

  2. The Philosophunculist March 27, 2014 at 10:58 pm #

    Why is syrup 7 dollars a bottle?!

  3. Little Miss Menopause March 28, 2014 at 2:10 am #

    This was great! I was just at TJ’s last week and I dropped and shattered their orangy pasta sauce! It was all over everything and the employees were so nice to me but this one woman got all bent out of shape because it “stained” her plastic-looking purse. (I’m sure it wiped right off) Anyhow, after she stormed off the premises, the TJ employees and I discussed the fact that she doesn’t get enough Kale or Flax in her diet. Loved this post!
    Stephanie

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