My Induction Speech To The Web Content Hall of Fame

10 Feb

Thank you! Thank you so much! To be honest, I didn’t write anything because, firstly this isn’t the internet and secondly, I thought I would lose to Craig over at Horizons Marketing for their excellent series of client profiles. Really beautiful work, Craig. Very powerful.

But, I suppose I can pull myself together. I would like to thank my editors, Brendan and Chad, for doing everything they can to hold me to the level of standards that all us content writers – nay, writers – should hold ourselves to. Without them, all my keywords would be misplaced and SEO poorly optimized.

I also want to thank my many co-writers, without whom this would be impossible. Simply speaking, if it weren’t for you guys, I would literally be too burdened with work to do anything worthwhile. So, thank you, for spreading out the workload and making those 3,000 words per day much more doable. Like a pack of typing jackasses slowly but surely making our way down the Grand Canyon of Google Search Monopoly.

I would also like to thank the sales force behind us at SEO And Beyond, without you relentlessly targeting the vast corners of the internet, shooting blindly into the pits of Web 1.0, the bottom ranks of the Better Business Bureau, and general Craigslist advertisements, we wouldn’t get the half-witted, backwards, clients we have now. Without our clients’ utter ignorance of the modern World Wide Web, your barrage of Google search engine metrics, keywords, and juiced up statistics would be useless. But, instead, you bring us the ATM resellers, court reporter firms, industrial-size sign fabricators, and label printing technology manufacturers day in and day out. You’ve forced me to expand my mind and challenge my skills to create custom content, every day, to suit the needs of industries that no person with free will would ever choose to work in. And for that, we thank you.

And, before I leave this podium in the back of the Logan Airport Hilton’s Ballroom C, I want to thank our social media crew, who so endlessly automate all our client’s blogs with their social media so that most of their day is spent watching as everything updates itself. There’s a certain amount of ambition one needs to accomplish something so lazy. I admire your laisez-faire approach to this abyss of opportunity, failure, defeat, and success we call the internet. You simply throw our hard work into the ether and wait for the anonymous masses to respond – with malice or love – and inform us that we “have no idea what we’re talking about.” 

It’s a brave, bold, and exciting time in the days of multimedia. A time when even the most unqualified individual can gain critical attention with just a few keenly placed keywords and a high-rate backlink. A time where all content writers, not just me, can shine like the artisans we are.

Thank you and good night!


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